I was watching the Social yesterday afternoon (as I do more afternoons than I would like to admit). The ladies were talking about a life coach who has recently proposed friends should sign a "no guilt" agreement. The conversation turned to making time for friendships, and they were debating whether you should feel guilty or make your friends feel guilty for not hanging out. As they debated, I couldn't help but reflect on how my friendships have changed since having K.
Back when I met most of my closest friends, we were fun. We collectively guilt-tripped each other into studying a little less for those exams and partying a little more. Did our grades suffer? Of course. But, did we forge lifelong friendships? Definitely. Early on in my university career, my now BFF and I decided we needed to put limits on the amount of guilt we could trip each other with. One evening, while we probably should've been studying for some test, we spent hours (more than I'm willing to admit) drafting and typing out what would be known as the "Shafting Constitution". This document outlined an endless amount of scenerios in which one party could "shaft" (or decline an invitation from) the other party, no questions asked, completely guilt-free (an exam/assignment worth >10% of final grade, family visiting, an illness such as the Bubonic Plague [side note: a person in China recently died from the Bubonic Plague, how crazy is that??] were examples of such scenerios). This constitution facilitated our ability to say "no" to each other in an environment that all to often becomes a breeding ground for peer-pressure and poor decision-making. That constitution, while now completely outdated and in much need of an update, hung on my fridge until May of this year when it was boxed up with a number of other important keepsakes in preparation for our move. It made me laugh to think that we, as young, probably intoxicated, university students, were years ahead of this "professional" life coach/personal trainer, whatever the credentials of this individual were. Aly Cia, we were on to something! No wonder we've become besties.
Anyway, back to reflecting.
Since K's arrival, I can 100% admit that I have less time for my friends. What little time I do get to spend with each of them (whether in person or on the phone), is usually inturrupted nine million times by that wonderful little man of mine. I know my friends, no doubt, feel that they've been "shafted", but I want each and every one of you to know that, while that may be true, you are loved by me (and my little guy- despite his 15 attempts to hit the "end" button on our phone call). I don't feel guilty because while I spend less time with you all, I appreciate our moments together even more. As a mum to a toddler I've quickly realized how important my auxillary support is. I want you all to know that through those texts, calls, random run-ins, coffee dates and meandering walks:
You help keep me grounded when I feel like I'm losing my ability to speak in full sentences (or even use real words). Even just reading two line text messages can bring it all back.
You reassure me that my tiny person is, in fact, growing despite my feeling like I have more food in my hair, than I've gotten into his little toddler belly all week.
You encourage me to share my experiences so that you can learn from them (read: laugh at the hilariousness that comes with raising 1 1/2 year olds and thank your heavenly stars that you don't have children).
You validate my success as a mum by acknowledging how incredibly smart, talented and handsome my perfect little being is (ok, ok, maybe you don't use those words exactly, but I'm going to infer).
So while I'm not so sure I'll ever have the same kind of time for my friends as I once did, I will always make sure to keep on top of your major life events (by Facebook creeping them at the very least...) and I'll try to keep you updated on mine. Also, know that I am here for all of you, anytime, day or night (seriously, I'm up all. the. time.) so feel free to include me in the minor events too!
Until next time!
-A
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| Celebrating with the Bride-to-be last weekend! 8 Years of friendship in this photo! |
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