Wednesday, January 28, 2015

A "Million Dollar Family"

Hi Friends,

Today I'd like to share some exciting news. Last Friday we found out that with the addition of Baby #2, we will become, what several people have referred to as, a "Million Dollar Family".

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term Million Dollar Family (as I was until Saturday), it is when a married couple have two children, a boy followed by a girl.

Historically, this term pertained to wealthy families, and was akin to winning the offspring lottery. It meant having a firstborn son, to inherit the estate and carry on the family name, and a daughter to marry a powerful ally and expand your family's power and influence. A Million Dollar Family didn't have a need for multiple sons, as they had enough money to pay servants to do any manual labour. And a household of daughters would mean there would be no one to carry on the family name. Additionally, more than two children, meant more mouths to feed, bodies to clothe etc. so those third, fourth, fifth children, cost the family more than they were worth and were therefore avoided.

So there you have it, your Wednesday afternoon history lesson.

Now, while we will meet the "genitalia criteria" for a Million Dollar Family with the addition of Baby Girl R, that is where the similarities between our little family and this "ideal" family BS ends. Here are a few reasons why...

1. We are not a powerful oil tycoon family, the heirs of a shipping dynasty or the descendants of Royalty. In fact, we have no "estate", "power" or "family jewels" to pass on to our children. That being said, any small fortune we may accrue throughout our lives will be split equally among all of our children, and anyone else we feel is deserving of a piece of the pie.

2. We will not be arranging, nor will have any part in selecting who Baby Girl R partners with in the future. So any hope of spreading our power and dominance "throughout the land" will have to be done on our own accord, not by an ideal union of offspring.

3. There is a possibilty that K (if he decides to marry) takes his partner's last name. In 2015, having a child with a penis does not equal having someone to carry on the family name. Likewise, Baby Girl R may decide not to marry, or not to take her future partner's last name. A daughter can easily pass her family name on to her children.

4. I'm a strong believer in "many hands make light work" and since we don't have any servants on staff, who are we to turn our nose up at a couple extra sons and daughters?! Are we really expected to stop at two children simply because someone 150 years ago thought this was ideal? One hundred and fifty years ago, these same people still believed in Maternal Impression, the Four Humors and that slavery was a-ok. While we may be "two and through", the jury is still out on that one and when the time comes, we will be deciding based on our own criteria.

So moral of the story, "perfect" families come in all shapes and sizes, and in 2015, I'd like to believe that people don't actually still strive for, or idealize, the archaic notion of a Million Dollar Family. We are happy to be expanding our brood and are thrilled that we will get to watch K take on a new role of Big Brother. As for Baby Girl R, we can't wait to meet her!

Until next time friends,

-A  

"Knocking" on Mummy's belly to see if the baby's home.

Monday, January 26, 2015

A Doctor for a Daddy: Call shifts equal Singleparenthood.

Hello Friends,

Being a single parent is hard, even if it's just for one out of every four days (plus the post-call day- which I guess technically equals 2/5 days).

Don't get me wrong, being married to a resident doctor definitely has its advantages (i.e. access to the most up-to-date health care resources, an endless amount of reassurance for the little things, or an informed ally when there's a real issue at hand), but it also has it's disadvantages (long clinic hours that inevitably follow him home, a never-ending reading list in order to keep up-to-date, and my least favourite... crazy call schedules/hours followed by a post-call sleep day).

When you're home alone with a toddler, the day can sometimes drag on. As much as I love watching those Bubbleguppies get up to their latest and greatest shenanigans, there's nothing I enjoy more than looking up at the clock to see that it's almost 6 o'clock. No matter how trying the day has been, a sense of relief rushes over me, knowing that back-up will be making his way through the front door any minute. Unfortunately, when D is on-call, the notion that there is no relief on the way can be overwhelming on the best of days.
K crawling into a baking pan, insisting I put him in the oven with the muffins.
A meltdown ensued following my declining this request. 
However, it's on those, long, hard days that I realize how lucky I am. I can't even begin to express how much respect and admiration I have for all of those single parents out there. For as difficult as it sometimes is to tough it out alone with K, I have the added comfort in knowing that this isn't a permanent situation. My back-up IS coming, even if I have to wait a little longer for him to get home (and then watch him collapse into bed, dead to the world, for the entire day while I fold and put away the 4 loads of laundry I washed and dried yesterday as "entertainment" for K [he likes sorting the clothes and dumping the detergent into the washer]). 

But in all seriousness, D's call schedule has given me a fresh perspective on how we work together as a team and it especially highlights how much we depend on each other to tackle the massive responsibility that is "raising a child". As much as I may dislike D being away for any period of time, I know he is feeling the same (x100). It feels good to know that he trusts me to, not only, be here for K, but maintain the "illusion of" normalcy for our little man (even if I use his call days as an excuse to forgo cooking dinner and instead indulge at the finest Swiss Chalet). I am so thankful to have such a supportive partner and friend.
We want "all the food"
Now, while I've come to this enlightened standpoint regarding D's call-shifts, all this may change come June and I'm outnumbered by my offspring. All I can say is, thank goodness he won't have any more Internal Medicine rotations. 

Until next time friends,

-A
Taking advantage of a call-free weekend last week!








Wednesday, January 21, 2015

I'm "Having" a Baby

Hi Friends,

I just want to start off by saying, I don't plan on a repeat c-section with baby #2.

That being said, to any random strangers, friends, and family alike who feel the need to inquire about baby birthing, how I, or any mum, decides to get a baby out of her belly is none, and I really mean none, of your business.

It really isn't.

The funny thing about pregnancy is that it opens you up to some of the most uncomfortable and unavoidable conversations you will ever have. I suppose it, in a way, helps to prepare you for other uncomfortable conversations you may need to have in the future with, and on behalf of, your little ones. For example, K pointing to the saleslady's exposed bra strap and repeatedly yelling "bra, bra, bra" or my 3 year old sister asking loudly at a funeral "why is that man sleeping in the box?"...

Crickets.

Awkward.

While these moments will happen from time to time, the main difference is that they stem from the innocence of a child. Not the ignorance of a grown assed adult.

It would be one thing if people inquired, and then were satisfied with the one-liner I provided at the opening of this post. However, that is rarely the case. All to often, I find myself belly deep in a discussion about vaginal tears, organs splayed all over the table, the ring of fire, faulty epiduals, and why on earth I would choose to have/not have a repeat c-section.

I know this type of uncomfortable discussion isn't reserved for those who have had a previous c-section, but I think there's a special kind of discomfort for those of us who are attempting a vaginal birth following a c-section (VBAC). While it can assumed that there will be vaginal involvement for anyone taking part in a vaginal birth, people attempting a VBAC have to openly discuss the fact that they will be trying to push a baby out of their lady parts and not only that, but electing to.

There are many reasons why a mum may/may not choose a VBAC (some of which are completely out of their control), but those reasons are not fair game for discussion and/or debate with anyone outside of that woman's circle of care. So please, unless someone is asking you for your anecdotal expertise on how best to birth a baby, don't offer it.

For me, I just want to try to complete what I started last time.

However, for those who will choose not to head my words, and/or think their expertise/desire to know is the exception to the rule. Here are some replies to a few of the questions/comments I have fielded recently, maybe they will satisfy this need (and you can avoid eliciting dicomfort, annoyance, guilt, anger, anxiety etc. in the already overwhelmed pregnany lady you will next encounter)...

So are you having a c-section or are you doing it normally?
First of all I'm "having" a baby. Secondly, Normally? You mean, vaginally. By using "normally" you are automatically imposing judgement, even if that wasn't your intention. Also, if you can't even say the word vagina/vaginally, maybe you should be rethinking this topic of discussion.

Don't you think pushing a baby out will be super exhausting and painful and scary?
Yes, I believe it will be. However, I am also aware that lying completly naked in front of 8 strangers on a 2 ft wide operating table while somone cuts you wide open and then proceeds to yank and pull a 8lb baby out of your abdomen is also exhausting, painful and scary. 

What if you tear? Like really badly? They'd have to stitch you up.
Well that would be quite unfortunate, and I'm not looking forward to that. Glances down and touches 10 inch incision scar from K's birth. 

Your lady bits will never look the same.  
I'm glad that you are concerned, but why is cosmetic appearance of my "lady bits" any of your concern. I can assure you D doesn't care and I don't have a mirror down there all day er'ry day, so I think I'd get over it. For what it's worth, I don't think I'd be able to give an accurate depiction of them in their current state anyway. 

If you planned for a c-section, you wouldn't have to worry about your water breaking somewhere embarrasing.
You mean like in Walmart? (Been there, done that.) 

So what are the bad things that could happen during a VBAC? I've heard that your uterus could rupture. (PSA: Please don't ask/inform any prenant women about the bad things that could happen during childbirth)
This question/comment combo was met with a blank stare. Really buddy? Yes, pregnancy and childbirth is inherently dangerous for anyone. For drawing attention to the worst possible outcome you get a gold star, thanks? 

All this being said, the odds that I end up in c-section are still greater than my chances of completing a successful VBAC, and I'm okay with this. There are just so many factors out of my, or anyone else's, control. While I'm hoping for one process over another, all that I'm really concerned about is the outcome...

That baby #2 arrives safely in my arms.


Until next time my friends,

-A

My favourite bump picture so far.