Mummy Tummy

Hello again,

Today I would like to talk about bodies. I will preface this post by acknowledging that I've never struggled with body image issues and my views on this topic rightfully reflect my personal experiences. That being said, I'm aware that not everyone will be able to relate to my ideas in their entirety. However, it is my hope that this post will be relatable in some small way to each and every mum out there.

Post baby bathing suit shopping. Enough said. Hahah. No, but seriously, every new mum out there will have to do it at somepoint. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but there will come a day when you need to get wet, and shorts and t-shirts just won't cut it. For me, that day was August 7th (approx 5 mo after K's arrival). Now, I should admit that I had already picked up a sexy 1 piece from Sears (something a grandma would be proud to sport) a few months back to wear in D's parent's hot tub, but that didn't really count, as I only planned on wearing that one in the privacy of their backyard. August 7th was the day I was to pick up something beach-worthy. After trying on several different styles at all my usual swimsuit stores, I decided to try Thyme maternity, as I wanted bottoms that didn't irritate my c-section scar, and a top that would allow me to easily nurse K while wearing. There were 4 styles on the rack; 3 were one piece suits, and 1 was a cute little bikini. After looking at the price of the first 3 ($69.00) I was thinking holy shit, back to Walmart I go. There was no way I was going to pay 70 dollars for a swimsuit, no mattter how comfortable. Then the sales associate tapped me on the shoulder and said "Have you seen the bikini? It just went on sale today. $14.00, I bought one this morning". I grabbed a couple sizes and headed for the change room. Fourteen dollars?! Yes please! It fit like a dream, so I didn't hesistate to buy one up. As the girl was ringing me up, I asked why on earth the swimsuit was on such good sale. She informed me that they had sold very few of the model ,company wide so they were trying to get rid of them. "I guess most mums don't want to show off their stretch marks and rolls" she said nonchalantly. "Well that's just silly, it fits my new curves so well. I feel like a million bucks in it" I replied. Then I thought, popular opinion regarding pregnancy and the human body is an amazing (read: ridiculous) thing.

When pregnancy transforms the body from this...

2 Weeks

to this...

39 Weeks and Counting

It is seen as such a miracle, one to be celebrated. However, when it goes from adorable baby bump...

2 Weeks Post-partum (complete with McD's Milkshake)

to this...Well that, that is unacceptable!

Post-baby bods have been a hot topic in the media lately. Thanks, in large part, to Princess Kate's very public display of her day-old post-baby bump. Women around the world praised her for this courageous show of mummyhood and I will admit, that I too, was quite impressed with her bold reveal. However, as I glanced down at my post baby bod nearly 5 months out, I thought to myself, Woop-dee-do. What's so bad about a mummy tummy, that one needs to be praised for admitting they have one? 

Flasback to last summer, I was super excited to show off my baby bump. I remember waiting anxiously for the day to arrive when my belly would finally "pop" and be obvious to the world that I, A. R., was having a baby! During those first few months, I poured over article after article, pintrest pin after pintrest pin, endless maternity fashion websites; The Perfect Pose to show off your baby Bump, How to Rock your Newest Accessory (baby bump), Fun and Funky ways to Capture your Bump as it Grows... the list went on and on. The content was endless. I was to embrace this beautiful bump and wear it loud and proud, and boy did I ever. I loved my bump, and I loved watching it grow. It wasn't until I was packing my bag for the hospital (just days before K was to arrive), that I thought about my post-delivery body and what it may look/feel like. I remember reading on the hospital admission checklist "1 pair of maternity pants (approx 6mo size). 

Wait. What? 6 months? I was very obviously showing at 6 months, there's no way I'll still look that pregnant, I naively thought to myself (and definitely said aloud to D). I decided to pack my super comfy maternity yoga pants, since they had fit all throughout my pregnancy and would surely be able to stay up on my new (and muuuuch smaller) post-baby butt. I think it was while we were sitting in triage, waiting to be admitted that I looked down at my bulbous belly and really appreciated what had happened to it over the past 9 months. There was no way that 9 months of growing and stretching and gaining and expanding could be undone in a matter of hours, no matter how big that little guy was in there (as I knew there was definitely not 65lbs of baby in there).

I think that that was the moment, I could've chosen to become anxious, upset, sad, scared of what was about to happen to my body. However, what I experienced in that moment was quite the opposite, I was met with a rush of anticipation, excitement, an eagerness to see what I would look like on the other side. I was going to be a mum and my body was going to reflect that! Unfortunately, after a failed induction, that feeling was quickly washed away as I was prepped and wisked away for an emergency c-section. A c-section? I didn't factor that into my post-baby bod fantasy. A flabby, saggy stomach, sure, but a hacked apart, horror movie, stapled and stitched stomach, eek. After the surgery, not only did I possess a 6 mo baby bump, but I ballooned up from my post-surgery water retention. I. Looked. Hot. (read: like a hot mess). I was, however, so sick and exhausted that I could care less what I looked like. Once I had a chance to sleep, and the immediate effects of a major abdominal surgery wore off, I had a chance to reassess my brand new mummy tummy. Not only did the delivery of K (and deflation of my huge bump) reveal some new stretch marks (read: badass tiger stripes), but I was going to have one awesome section scar (thankfully staple-free). 

During those first few weeks, I came to appreciate the usefulness of a puffy, mummy tummy. K could curl up on top of that soft, warm, mound of love when sitting, and it provided a handy shelf to rest him on when I was standing or breastfeeding and my arms needed a bit of a break. In my case, the pudge also shielded my scar, so I didn't have to look at it all frankenstein-esque as it healed. By the time  my belly had deflated enough to see it easily, it was nicely healed and provided some reassurance that my little guy was, in fact, growing, as there was no way he could fit out of that tiny slit now!

Every week since having K, my inbox and newsfeed have been blowing up with articles, ads, and opinions about what constitutes an "ideal" post baby body. In stark contrast to during pregnancy headlines now read Lose Baby Fat Fast, How to Hide Post Baby Tummy in Pictures, Get Back to Pre-preg Size in Time for Bikini Season, Simple Ways to Lose the Belly/ Make Stretch Marks/Scars Disappear just to name a few. It's sad to think that baby bumps are something to so celebrated, flaunted and shared, but post-baby body's should be hidden, masked, appear as though the bump never exsisted.  Is it really realistic to believe that something that took 9 months to take shape, should (or even could) take any less than that to return to what it was before? That's like saying, "Lady, I want you to run as fast as you can in that direction for 90 minutes, then turn around and make it back in 5 minutes". It doesn't make sense (and would only be possible with the help of some super fast turbo jet).

I can't lie, it hasn't been all sunshine and roses. I have, while trying to squeeze into my pre-pregnancy jeans, broken down and cursed that extra mound of skin that so gracefully flops over the sides. I have gruffly complained to D that I'm sick of wearing my maternity pants. I have uncomfortably sucked in my stomach for minutes at a time when walking around without K or when someone with a flat stomach sails into my line of sight (D called me on it the other day in the elevator, saying "Babe you look great, stop sucking in"). But for the most part, I am proud of my post-baby body. It says, I've done something amazing, I created a life, and there is enough of me here to see him through to adulthood!

Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for healthy active living and a big Kudos to all those new mums out there bustin' their butts at bootcamps, stroller fitness, mum and baby yoga, jazzersize, or whatever the latest fitness craze is. And while I haven't been doing any formal exercise programs, I get my fair share of activity by hoisting my growing baby boy up and down off the ground, in and out of his crib, strapping him on to go out for a walk around the neighbourhood, hauling that super awkward, completely non-ergonomical car seat in and out of the car. My body is far from perfect, but it has always been that way, and that's what makes me, me. Do I want to be able to fit back into my old clothes? Of course I do. Would I be heartbroken if I'm never a size 2 again? Absolutely not. As new mums we get an absurd amount of pressure to magically turn our bodies back into our pre-baby selves. I say, give yourself time to enjoy your new baby, navigate your new life as a mum, get your money's worth out of those maternity clothes that probably cost you three times as much and are far more stylish than the ones hanging in your closet (and far more comfortable). Remember it took your body nine  whole months to turn those couple of cells into a real live human baby, cut it some slack. Give it at least those nine months to figure out the whole mum thing!

Until next time my friends!

-A

Sporting my Mummy Tummy, Tiger Stripes and $14 Bikini!

"How are you liking motherhood?" Ugh.

Hello all.

Well, I'm finally starting to feel like a mum, and better yet, a mum who has an idea of what in the heck she's doing. Not that I feel like I have all the answers, or even 1/100th of the answers, but I have a couple answers, which is good enough for me! I think the best way to describe it, is that I feel like I know more about my baby than you do. While, deep down I know that I have alllways known more about K then the rest of the world, it has really only been in the last couple of weeks that I've really truly felt this way. In the first few months, I would tell myself "he's my baby, of course I know him best", but secretly, I would hang on to every word, every piece of non-solicited advice others would offer, and feel obligated to try it out, even if it was just in private where no one could see if it was successful or not. Lately, I've overcome that insecurity and welcomed a new sense of confidence in my decision-making as a parent. I know some things that work, and I know some things that don't. I have a grab bag of tricks, so I don't feel flustered if the first thing I try doesn't solve the problem.

Now that I'm rockin' that new mum swagger, I've been spending more and more time reflecting on the first few months of motherhood. How has it really been? What have I learned about myself? How has my relationship with K evolved? How have my other relationships changed? Is there anything I would do differently? How am I doing now?

I know some of you may be rolling your eyes right now, thinking that this whole self-reflection thing is a bunch of b.s. I mean, who actually does this for real? But I've found that as a stay at home mum (temporarily in the burbs') I have had a lot of time to think about things (and my thinking typically turns to reflecting).

The more I reflect, the more I believe that one of the hardest questions to answer as a new mum (and maybe as a mom at any stage) is "How are you liking motherhood?"
Whenever I'm confronted with this question, I find myself spewing out endless amounts of cliches and pre-fab phrases. "I'm really enjoying it"; "It's so rewarding"; "I couldn't feel more fulfilled"; "It's the best job in the world"; "It's better than I could've ever imagined"; "Tiring but so worth it".

And while I do feel all of those things at times, does that really capture how I feel about motherhood?

The short answer. No.

The long answer...

I didn't fall gracefully into mummyhood, though I would argue that in real life, no one does. The first few days of K's life, I didn't really feel like a mum at all. My whole labour and delivery experience was incredibly surreal, and it although K took 2 whole days to arrive it seemed to happen so very fast. I remember watching D as he held K for the first time, and as he changed, rocked and swaddled our new little baby with such pride. While I knew he was mine and I loved him, I didn't feel that I possessed that strong of a connection those first few days... weeks even. It made me feel really guilty. I remember sitting in my tiny condo, staring at this tiny baby, waiting to feel that burst of overwhelming pride and joy. Each day, D would come home and I would fill him in on our daily happenings. He was always so excited at each tiny accomplishment, each milestone reached. I'm not sure if D could sense the difficulty I was having interacting with K as a mum, or if he just didn't want to miss out, but he suggested that I snap and send him pictures frequently throughout the day. It was a wonderful idea, as snapping pictures of my adorable baby provided a perfect opportunity for interacting with K. As the pictures began to overload my phone and computer, I slowly began to see what he was seeing, feel what he was feeling, that amazing, astounding sense of pride in our tiny little human!

As the months passed, I have come to love this little guy so much more than I could ever describe. I can't remember life before him, and can't imagine life without him. At month 5 of K's life, I'm not liking motherhood at all, I'm loving it. In fact, I think most mum's would say that loving (liking) motherhood is a given.

However, I would like to caution all you question bombers (my pre-K self included) to think before dropping this question, as not all mums start off loving motherhood right out of the gate. Like any new job, the skills can take time to develop. There is a steep learning curve to motherhood. Reflecting on my first few months as a mum, I think it's perfectly fair to assume that a new mum could love her baby, while not necessarily loving or even liking motherhood. But is that the answer a new mum would like to provide a prying stranger (or loved one)? No. Is that an answer that that prying individual would expect to receive? Not likely. In my case, this loaded question just compounded the guilt I already felt, as not only was I not liking motherhood, but now I had to lie about it.

I recognize that most people do not ask this question with a ton of thought behind it, and similarily they don't expect (or even want) an answer with a ton of thought behind it. Like the question "How's it going?", it has evolved to be an automatic, somewhat meaningless question. But this question, can be extremely loaded for a hormonal, sleep-deprived, and extremely emotional new mum. Moreover, as a mum who spends most hours of the day with a companion who has very few conversational skills, I appreciate (read: crave) a good adult conversation. So these crappy, fluffy, substanceless questions do me (and any other mum for that matter) little to no good. Rather, one could ask a new mum "What have you learned today/this week/this month?" or "What are you planning for the next week/month/year?". I think it's fair to say that the questions you ask don't ever have to explicitly mention motherhood (or being a mum), as any conversation-inducing question will inevitably elicit an answer that involves our little ones and therefore our experiences as a mum.

Maybe this is just the OT in me, but I feel that this approach not only makes for better conversation, but I believe that it also allows mums to shape and share their responses in a way that preserves their identity as a person who is now a mum, rather than being defined solely as a mum. This is what I failed to appreciate during those first few weeks of mummyhood when I didn't magically feel all mummy-like. I needed help (and good conversation) to remember that I was many things before being a mum, and I will continue to be many things as a mum. Once I was able to integrate this new role of mum into my pre-existing personhood, I felt like I was on my way (not that I have any idea of where this crazy ride will take me).

I know that being a mum opens you up to all sorts of questions, from all sorts of people (including those tiny little babies who will eventually grow into inquiring toddlers/kidlets). But as a new mom you are thrown right into it, having to face some doozies right off the bat… How was labour/recovery? Is he sleeping well? Are you breastfeeding? What is post baby sex like? However, those gems will have to wait for another day as it’s late, so late, that K has already been up for one of his nightly feeds, and if I don’t get to bed soon, morning (and our 2nd wedding anniversary) will be here before my head hits the pillow!

Until next time my friends!

-A

Lovin' Mummyhood at the Zoo!