Gone are the days when I stare down the pregnancy test, forcefully
willing it to display a single line, or perhaps two, depending on the year. My
heart pounding as I do the same dance, first refusing to look, then nervously
peeking, painfully scrutinizing, and squinting just to be sure. Four pregnancies,
three babies and one vasectomy later, I no longer need to spend a small fortune
on pregnancy tests. Barring a medical miracle, my uterus will not be housing
any more bundles of joy. However, my family is not complete. While I do not plan
on birthing any more babies, I’m not done having kids.
If parenting has taught me anything, it is that life is unpredictable.
It is not a perfectly mapped out journey, rather a collection of destinations
scattered across a series of pages, some held by you, some held by others. Despite
only having a tiny piece of the map, I really feel like I have hit my stride
with parenting. Don’t get me wrong, I do have days where I want to run away
from it all; but I love being a mom and having the opportunity to shape, mould
and nurture little peoples’ minds.
They say once a mom, always a mom and I while I am
still knee deep raising the 3 that live under my roof, I can already see how I
will continue to add to my kid count.
1. My Kid’s Friends
Now that my kids are in school, I have had the pleasure of
meeting and hearing about many of their school friends. While some parents may
not always appreciate the role we play in the lives of our kids’ friends; I am
acutely aware of the impact of an impromptu after-school conversation or play-date
check-ins on the development of their hopes and dreams. Through my own kids, I learn
so much about their friends’ goals, hesitancies, resources, and fears. Detailed
and unfiltered reports from our kids uniquely position us to offer support and
encouragement to their friends. I feel a responsibility to these young minds to
facilitate their goals in the same way I do my own.
2. My Friends’ Kids
Almost all my friends are parents now, and boy does that
make me feel old. While I sometimes long for the carefree days of childless
partying and flourishing into our own together, there is something special
about being an unofficial “auntie” to this growing collective of children. The
love and support I showered on my partners in crime, as teens and 20-somethings
has effortlessly trickled down to their offspring. Whether its sitting bedside
of a teeny baby extremely eager to meet us all in person (a whopping three
months early), supporting a preschooler’s decision to forgo pants for a summer,
or reading up on what it means to be a toddler with celiac; I love these kids
with all my being and would take each and every one of them in in a heartbeat.
3. Nieces and Nephews
This squad of little people has been part of my narrative
since long before they were born. My sisters and I did not spend our childhoods
daydreaming about babies, rather some of us balked at the idea of kids altogether.
However, as kids, we were tasked with naming the calves born on the farm
and inevitably, we would end up arguing over who would get to use what name for
their own kids someday. Those name lists are long gone, and thankfully Princess,
Honey, or Panache were not bestowed upon any of our children. What remains, is
the special connection of my nieces and nephews to not only my childhood but my
first exploration of what it meant to be a mom. I love each and every one of
them and will root for their success and happiness in life until the day I die;
and if that does not sum up being a mom, then I don’t know what does.
4. Foster Children
While fostering kids is not something we are actively exploring,
it is on my radar for the future. We are fortunate to be in a position where we
have the stability and the resources to provide a safe landing place for kids
who would otherwise be at the mercy of a strained system. The opportunity to
weave into a child’s life to offer support, encouragement and stability is not
unlike motherhood in general. I was handed 3 different babies in 3 different delivery
rooms not knowing how long we would be together or how long they would need me,
but nevertheless committed my love and unconditional support to each one. It is
with the same passion and commitment to the unknown that I will welcome these
beautiful souls into our family.
5. Exchange Students
This is a biggie for me, and something I hold near and dear
to my heart. I have dozens of brothers and sisters all around the world because
my parents opened our home over 50 times to youth in search of a place to learn
and grow. As a mom and global citizen, I feel it is my job to offer myself as a
surrogate mom to young people in search of cross-cultural experiences. It can be
scary to leave everything and everyone you know in search of adventure and
learning, and it is up to parents all around the world to offer the familiarity
of kind words, helpful hands, and non-judgmental guidance (or at the very
least, someone to read you the riot act before attending that high school keg
party). I plan on having a whole bunch of kids this way (bonus is they all come
potty-trained)!
Regardless of the number I end up with, I know motherhood will
continue to be an exciting adventure of delicately weaving in and out of my
kids lives. At times, I will play a large role but much more often I will be
working silently in the background to support, encourage and facilitate their
growth. There is no shortage of kids needing that kind of love. So, am I done
having kids? Absolutely not. In fact, as a parent, I don’t believe any of us
are truly “done having kids”, because like I said before once a parent
always a parent.
