What I Wish I could Say: Playground Edition

Hi Friends,

Today K and I went to the playground for a little fresh air (as we do most days). Unfortunately, we had to cut our rendezvous short as there seemed to be an unusually high number of little weiners at the park.

Now, when I say "little weiners", I mean those seemingly parent-less kids who get some sort of sick thrill out of tormenting unsuspecting patrons of the playground (and their parents). So this post is dedicated to those little hooligans, and their parents (who I'm not "judging"... but I mean, c'mon... nevermind, yes. I'm definitely judging... you know who you are). The following is what I (along with the other "side-eyeing" parents at the park today) would have liked to say/do to some of the worst cuprits and their caregivers.

1. To the rock throwing child.
"What the actual eff child?! Who calls out in the direction of a small group of toddlers and when they, in all of their adorableness, look towards you, then throws a handful of stones in their perfect little faces. Who does that?! Go take your tiny little, rat-tail wearing, butt over to that park bench and give yourself a timeout. And then when you're done with that, go home. No more playground for you."

2. To the parent/caregiver of the rock thrower
"Where the eff are you? Do you really think that we don't see you sitting under that tree taking selfies to check your hair/makeup. Don't think I'm above lecturing your kid."

3. To the obnoxious 8 year old brats insisting on burrying each other with woodchips
"Could you please get you're whiney, booty-short wearing butts off the toddler slide and carry on with this ridiculousness somewhere else? There is only one slide that wee park patrons are able to competently navigate (that is without breaking their arms or necks). Also, if you haven't noticed, there have been 6 pairs of toddler feet within striking distance of your perfectly braided head. One more attempt by my little guy, and I may just let him go."

4. To the two protein shake drinking moms who are giggling and laughing at your obnoxious daughters
"Do you not realize that there are 6 sets of eyes glaring at both of you right now? No, they are not "just the cutest". Stop encouraging this. Have you forgotten what it's like to have an 18month old at the park? I hope so, otherwise you're just jerks. "

5. To the kid who follows around the little guys and refuses to let them do anything
"I don't know what your deal is buddy, but if you don't stop slide-blocking my son, I'm going to plant my mum-butt on that slide you've been running up and down for the last 20 minutes and refuse to move. Oh, you'll do the monkey bars? Well, I think I can hang there for a while too. We'll see how much you like walking back and forth with nothing to do."

6. To the mum of the abovementioned kid
"Let's get this straight, he's not "showing the little guys how it's done" as you would have that person on the phone believe. He's being an uber-weiner. Your kid isn't some celebrity that we are all feel honoured to watch play. If I wanted my little man to watch someone else have fun for 45 minutes, I would just put on a cartoon, in the comfort of our air-conditioned condo.

7. To the 3 kids who are sitting on the sprinklers in the splashpad
"We get it, it feels good. Water shooting up your butt, what could be better? But seriously, get the eff up, the rest of us would like to enjoy the cool sprays of the splashpad, it's like 40 degrees out."

8. To the daycare lady who's in charge of these 3 and another 4.
"I can't even imagine bringing 7 kids to this playground. Kudos to you. That being said, we're all hot and sweaty, so please ask them to move. Also, I know that kid 4 is having a meltdown, but kids 5, 6 and 7 are trying to push those first 3 off and a real fight is brewing. You might want to get on that one. Do you need us to step in? I'm more than happy to lay down the law."

End of rant. Thank you for reading.

Until next time my friends,

-A

Where's the water mum? Up the butts of those weiners dear.  

Eek!

Dear Friends.

Hello Friends,

I was watching the Social yesterday afternoon (as I do more afternoons than I would like to admit). The ladies were talking about a life coach who has recently proposed friends should sign a "no guilt" agreement. The conversation turned to making time for friendships, and they were debating whether you should feel guilty or make your friends feel guilty for not hanging out. As they debated, I couldn't help but reflect on how my friendships have changed since having K.

Back when I met most of my closest friends, we were fun. We collectively guilt-tripped each other into studying a little less for those exams and partying a little more. Did our grades suffer? Of course. But, did we forge lifelong friendships? Definitely. Early on in my university career, my now BFF and I decided we needed to put limits on the amount of guilt we could trip each other with. One evening, while we probably should've been studying for some test, we spent hours (more than I'm willing to admit) drafting and typing out what would be known as the "Shafting Constitution". This document outlined an endless amount of scenerios in which one party could "shaft" (or decline an invitation from) the other party, no questions asked, completely guilt-free (an exam/assignment worth >10% of final grade, family visiting, an illness such as the Bubonic Plague [side note: a person in China recently died from the Bubonic Plague, how crazy is that??] were examples of such scenerios). This constitution facilitated our ability to say "no" to each other in an environment that all to often becomes a breeding ground for peer-pressure and poor decision-making. That constitution, while now completely outdated and in much need of an update, hung on my fridge until May of this year when it was boxed up with a number of other important keepsakes in preparation for our move. It made me laugh to think that we, as young, probably intoxicated, university students, were years ahead of this "professional" life coach/personal trainer, whatever the credentials of this individual were. Aly Cia, we were on to something! No wonder we've become besties.

Anyway, back to reflecting.

Since K's arrival, I can 100% admit that I have less time for my friends. What little time I do get to spend with each of them (whether in person or on the phone), is usually inturrupted nine million times by that wonderful little man of mine. I know my friends, no doubt, feel that they've been "shafted", but I want each and every one of you to know that, while that may be true, you are loved by me (and my little guy- despite his 15 attempts to hit the "end" button on our phone call). I don't feel guilty because while I spend less time with you all, I appreciate our moments together even more. As a mum to a toddler I've quickly realized how important my auxillary support is. I want you all to know that through those texts, calls, random run-ins, coffee dates and meandering walks:

You help keep me grounded when I feel like I'm losing my ability to speak in full sentences (or even use real words). Even just reading two line text messages can bring it all back. 

You reassure me that my tiny person is, in fact, growing despite my feeling like I have more food in my hair, than I've gotten into his little toddler belly all week. 

You encourage me to share my experiences so that you can learn from them (read: laugh at the hilariousness that comes with raising 1 1/2 year olds and thank your heavenly stars that you don't have children). 

You validate my success as a mum by acknowledging how incredibly smart, talented and handsome my perfect little being is (ok, ok, maybe you don't use those words exactly, but I'm going to infer). 

So while I'm not so sure I'll ever have the same kind of time for my friends as I once did, I will always make sure to keep on top of your major life events (by Facebook creeping them at the very least...) and I'll try to keep you updated on mine. Also, know that I am here for all of you, anytime, day or night (seriously, I'm up all. the. time.) so feel free to include me in the minor events too!

Until next time!

-A

Celebrating with the Bride-to-be last weekend! 8 Years of friendship in this photo! 

Clocks.

Hello Friends,

"Tick Tock says the Clock"

Harmless, right?

Wrong.

We've been pointing out clocks to K ever since he took interest in the big wall clock hanging in my in law's kitchen at the ripe old age of 9 months. "Tick Tock says the Clock" my mother-in-law would chime, as K would point and smile. Well 8 months have passed and K has a marked interest in clocks. He has an exceptional ability to find every clock in every room and announce their location(s). This would be incredibly helpful to anyone within earshot if it were not for one teeny tiny thing.

K hasn't mastered the "L".

"Cock, cock, cock, Mum, cock, Mum, COCK!"

Did you know there are 5 wall clocks between the pharmacy and the checkout at our local Walmart?

No? Neither did I. But I sure do now. Thanks bud.

Anyway, feeling the need to acknowledge the chuckles erupting from fellow Walmart patrons, I announced loudly "Yes K, there's another CL-ock. Tick-Tock says the Clock".

Then I giggled to myself as I remembered a recent interaction between K and my Mother-in-Law (MIL).

MIL: "Oooh K, let's find the clocks! There's a big clock and a little clock."
K: "Cock" *points*
MIL: "This clock is pointy, this is a round clock..."
K: "Cock" *points*
MIL: "...and this clock came from China. K, where's the big, black clock?"
K: "Cock" *points*

Ha ha. We'd better get working on those "Ls", or this mum is gonna have a lot of explainin' to do!

Until next time my friends,

-A

Vows

Hello Friends,

Three years ago today, I married my best friend. Happy Anniversary D! As I reflect on how much has changed for us between then and now (K, new jobs, new city), I marvel at how much has stayed the same (we are both still extremely good-looking!). I re-read my wedding vows today for the first time since becoming a mum. As I reflected on how these vows have shaped our first three years of wedded bliss, I was surprised at how readily they apply to my approach to mummyhood.

As mums (and dads), we are not required to make vows to our children. There are no formal ceremonies for us to state publicly how we will approach our role as parents. However, I feel that there should be, given that parenting is not so much a skill as it is a lifelong relationship. While most of us probably parent with unspoken vows driving our interactions with our children, I think it's important to openly acknowledge them as a means to parental accountability. Being a parent, like being a husband or wife can be hard sometimes. It's definitely not all sunshine and roses, and having something tangible to reflect upon during those turbulent times may make all the difference. After all, if K is anything like his mum, there will be many a "for better or for worse" in our future!

So without further adieu, my vows to the two most important people in my life;

D (K),

You are the most amazing person I have ever met. 

Your brains and your brawn are but a small piece of the amazingness that is you. 

You care so deeply for everything you do and everyone you meet, and for that I truly admire you. 

You help me to be the best I can be, by supporting me when I’m unsure and challenging me when I am confident.

I love you so much and as your best friend (mum),

I promise to encourage your dreams and do my very best to help you realize them

I promise to build a strong home with (for) you, where we can continue to learn from and grow with each other

I promise to share my whole world with you and never take you for granted

I promise to stand by your side through life’s ups and downs, and love you unconditionally.

I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life waking up next to you (watching you grow). 

I’m so excited to start our new life together and even more excited to start it as your wife (mum).

I love you.  

Until next time my friends,  

- A

Still feelin' it three years later!

I'm Running Away.

Hi Friends,

I've had it. I'm running away.

As a little girl, I attempted to run away a few times. I would pack up my little bag with a couple necessities (clean underwear, a few cookies and a bottle of water) and head off down the lane. Unfortunately, our lane was like a kilometre long and there was nothing but more gravel once you got to the end. So I would usually make it to the bush, plop myself down under a tree, eat my cookies and contemplate my next move. After a few minutes of quiet contemplation, whatever it was that had me running was usually deemed a better alternative to the vast wilderness of North Easthope Township. At that, I would pick myself up, walk back home, return my underwear to their rightful place in the dresser (unbeknownst to my mum) and carry on with life.

Now, as an adult, I could probably still manage with just a pair of underwear, cookies and a bottle of water. However, as a wife and mum, it would be rather difficult to run away in this manner, as my necessities now include both D and K (although, I'm sure they'd be cool with the cookie part). So there I sat, at my metaphorical tree on the side of the lane(read: computer on the couch), thinking through what had me feeling like needing to run.

We moved to Hamilton almost 3 months ago, and since then, we have been going, going, going, non-stop. However, in between all the "going" it has become painfully obvious that even though I'm not too far from friends and family, I'm a stay-at-home mum, alone in a new city. For the last three months, I have been attempting to ignore this fact, hoping that everything will magically work itself out. Maybe, the next time I walk to the park I will meet the perfect group of mum friends who will invite me into their secret mum-clubhouse where we will have the best of times and there will be endless activities for me to fill my days with!

Last week, as I repeated some version of this delusional thinking to myself, I realized, "this is not real life". Real life is me with K needing to get myself figured out. What do I want to accomplish as a stay-at home mum? What are my goals? How do my dreams factor in to my reality? I realized that just because I have chosen to stay at home with K doesn't mean I have to "stay at home". In fact, it means quite the opposite! I need to get out, get moving, and show K this wonderful world! My job is to introduce K to life, and I can't do that if I'm hiding, or stalling or remaining stagnant in my own (one can only watch so many episodes of BubbleGuppies).

So, I've decided to run.

Running has been something that I've always wanted to try, and not only is it a good way to get exercise but I think it will be a good way to get to know my new city (and a faster way to get through the sketchy areas to the nice places in town).

The first step was to add some external motivation to amp up my internal, so I ordered a (stupidly expensive) jogging stroller (knowing that D wouldn't let me let that baby sit in the corner collecting dust). Now that it has arrived (and rolls like a freakin' dream) it is time to get my butt in gear. I've joined my local Running Room, and signed up for my first 5K (with Baby Stroller). I know 5K is not huge, and may seem pretty insignificant to my running friends, but I wanted K to be a part of the whole process and it seemed like a good fit for us (considering this mummy butt has been sitting for almost 2 years)!

So there you have it. I'm running away.

Away from the couch, away from the four walls that seem to grow closer and closer everyday, away from the poor attitude that I have adopted since our move 3 months ago. Time to start fresh!

Until next time my friends!

-A