So tomorrow I will be 36 weeks pregnant. That means one more week until I'm considered "full term" and only four more weeks until my due date. By this time with K, I had my bags packed and waiting by the door, the car seat installed, I was pre-registered at the hospital and had the fastest route possible planned for go time. I was prepared. I was ready to go!
This time around, not so much.
It's not that I don't want to be prepared, and it's not that I'm not thinking about it constantly. I'm just having a hard time with the action piece. D thinks it's because subconsciously I'm not ready to have this baby, so it's my way of putting it off. I'd like to think it's the opposite, the more unprepared I am, the more likely I am to be caught off guard. You know, living on the edge and all that jazz.
In reality, I think I'm stalling because I don't have a solid plan in place this time.
With K I knew how it was all going to go down. I was going to wake up D in the middle of the night with obvious contractions, we would bide our time while we took in the last few minutes as a family of two. D would escort me down to our car (him hauling the bags, me clutching my lower back as I Lamaze-style breathed and waddled to the passenger side of the car). We would arrive at the hospital, where I would waddle inside, take up shop in a delivery room, and work at breathing, and sweating, and chomping on ice cubes, until the Dr. swooped in to tell me it was time to push. A couple minutes of pushing and Voila! K would be here, screaming and crying and cooing in my arms while D beamed over me and I asked him for a big mac or something...
Ha! Ok so anyone who knows K's birth story, knows that that beautiful little soliloquy was not at all how it went down. In fact, it couldn't be further from the truth. But that doesn't change the fact that leading up to his birth day, I felt like I had a handle on this whole labour and delivery thing.
This time, everything is so up in the air. I just can't get to a point where I feel prepared, or ready or even the slightest bit on top of things. This overwhelming feeling of unpreparedness continues to grow as I get further along in this pregnancy and more and more "ifs" pile on. At first it was as simple as VBAC vs C-section (you can read about that here), then we added on GD (you can read about that here), now today we've added a potentially breech baby to the list of complicating factors. Gah. While I'm not counting myself out for a VBAC just yet, I've come to terms with the fact that a C-section is looking more and more likely.
While neither option will drastically change what goes into those "go time" bags, it's the lack of knowing that's hindering my ability to get my shit together (although today I DID throw my pre-registration form in the mail). I'm hoping the slew of appointments I have next week will help me nail down some sort of game plan so I can get this bag-packing show on the road. But until then, I guess I'll just sit here on the couch, staring at my empty bags, blogging away while watching mindless TV and hoping that baby girl doesn't spring an early arrival on us (although that would make for a good post, and would eliminate the need to worry about all the little details... haha).
Until next time my friends,
-A
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| 36 weeks tomorrow! |
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| A little snapshot from Mother's Day |
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| Enjoying my surprise shower last weekend! |
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