Now that the big day is quickly drawing near (42 days until my due date, but only 20 until I'm full term), I can't help but feel that twinge of panic building in the pit of my stomach. While I've flip-flopped between excitement and terror throughout the entire pregnancy, I'm finding the last couple days have been more flipping (out) and less flopping (back in my easy chair). With the big question on my mind being, what have we done?!
This morning as I wrote D's schedule on the calendar for his upcoming paeds rotation two things really struck a chord; 1) I'll be full term in three weeks and 2) I will deliver this baby before he's done this next rotation.
Eeek.
I will, in part, blame my sudden panic on my GD, although I'm well aware that all mums experience this to some extent as the days dwindle. I'm choosing to blame my GD because since getting my sugars in check, I have been feeling fabulous! Almost tooo good. In fact, I think I could handle keeping little lady on the inside for a few more months, I mean... what's the rush?
I think humans have evolved in a way to make pregnant ladies struggle with so much discomfort at the end of pregnancy to lessen their fear of the inevitable. By 39 weeks, most people are so flippin' large and gassy and achy and uncomfortable, that they would do just about anything to get the baby out. It's hard to appreciate the daunting-ness of motherhood when all you can think about is how you are unable to breath, and how your ankles have disappeared all together (along with your toes and vagina).
With K, this incredible discomfort started around 31 weeks and was with me until the end (39w1d). While it looked like this would be the case with baby number 2, I must say that since starting my GD diet, I have had more energy and a spring in my step that hasn't been there since before getting pregnant. I was telling D last night, that if it wasn't for the large, bulbous protrusion on my front, I don't think I would feel pregnant at all. Whereas, three weeks ago I would have paid millions for someone to hurry along the last two months. It's the strangest thing.
Now, some people reading this are probably thinking, that sounds amazing, tell me again why feeling great is such a bad thing?
It's a bad (maybe bad isn't the right word, let's say nerve wracking) thing because, there is the potential that, in just over three weeks I could be responsible for keeping not one, but two tiny humans alive. And the pain, exhaustion and frustration that will inevitably come along with that fact seems exponentially worse than the way I'm feeling at this moment (as I relax with my coffee on the couch during K's nap time).
It also doesn't help that the last few days K has been uber snugly, but at the same time super volatile, wanting to be rocked before nap time and bedtime but not wanting D to come near him. It's like he knows what's coming and is trying to soak up every last moment with me before this new addition arrives. Kind of like how a dog knows when a storm is coming and gets all clingy and unsettled (and inevitably ends up hiding under the bed).
Did I really just compare my toddler to a puppy? I suppose I did... that's ok right?! I mean, they're both cute and adorable and, if left to their own devices, can completely dismantle your house in under 5 minutes. What was my point again?
Oh right, K is adding to my nervousness, because it's like he senses a storm, and I predict that that's exactly how the first few weeks with little lady will be. One giant hurricane of stitches and bleeding and laxatives and crying and cracked nipples and nighttime feedings and diaper changes and toddler tantrums and sleepless nights and sleepless days and oh man. I need to stop.
Deep breath (well three shallow breaths, as one "deep" one isn't really possible at the moment).
Writing this all out, I feel a flop coming on. This is exciting. Wait for it...
It's possible that in just over 3 weeks we could welcome the most perfect, beautiful little addition to our family. While the nights (and days)
I'm so excited! Baby R will be here so soon, and I can't wait for you all to meet her!
And there you have it, a brief glance into the hormonally charged mind of someone who's 34 weeks pregnant. Scary huh?
Until next time my friends,
-A
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| Still agile enough to snap a candid shot of my nephew (while K makes a break for it... dammit). |
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