"I know a girl who just had a baby.."

Hi Friends,

Anyone who has ever had a baby can most likely relate to the following comment:

"I know a girl who just had a baby. You guys should hang out, you can be 'Mum Friends'"

While people make these comments with the best of intentions, I can't help but feel a little put off by the implication that comes along with them. Let's just suppose I turn the tables and say "Hey _____, I know a girl. She has a job. You guys should hang out, you can be 'Work Friends'". Nevermind that her idea of a good time is a $400 mani/pedi followed by a gluten-free, vegan, low-cal no-carb $35 salad, and yours is checking out the ball game from the nose bleeds and grabbing a $4 slice of greasy stadium pizza. You both work, therefore you will make great friends.

That being said, as a (stay-at-home) mum, I feel it is important to have friends who are mums, because there are some facets of mummyhood that only those on the "inside" can understand and/or sympathize with. However, these friends would ideally be people who you would want to hang out with regardless of their mum status. A friend who happens to be a mum vs. a Mum Friend.

I spend a good chunk of the day strolling the streets and frequenting local parks, libraries and early years centres and I will admit, I get excited when I see someone else pull up with a stroller. I'm always on the lookout for new and interesting people to chat with (and potentially make friends with). However, as the overwhelming chaos of new mummyhood settles down and K enters into toddlerhood, I've come to realize that simply giving birth to a tiny human does not make you and I automatic blood sisters (as society would have us believe).

I know it may come as bit of a shock to some, but all types of people reproduce. 

Gasp! I know, unbelieveable right?

So Shelley, over in HR, with the glasses and her strange cat obsession... yeah, she could have a baby in nine months. Will having a baby strapped into that stroller (vs. the 2 cats she usually pushes around) make her any less weird? Maybe... but maybe not.

However, as a mum, I also realize that making concessions comes with the territory. So, for example, when I'm at the early years centre and Shelley wheels up, I will smile and make small talk because K is having a fun time at the water table with Calico. The conversation is unlikely to continue when K loses interest and b-lines for the building blocks. However, next week when we see them again, I may ask her how Cal's doctor's appointment went and if they figured out where that rash came from (my guess, the cats). So I suppose one could say we would be 'Mum Friends'.

Friends, only because we are mums.

While this type of friendship is better than no adult interaction, it is unlikely to be a very fulfilling friendship. I would be unlikely to go to Shelley for advice or opinions on anything outside the realm of the early years centre. Shelley is not going to help me feel any less lonely during naptime on Tuesday afternoons, nor is she going to provide advice or perspective on my constant flip-flopping between wanting to stay at home with K and wanting to rejoin the workforce.

Like all friendships, a friendship with another mum takes time to develop. Sometimes you hit it off, sometimes not. The one advantage is that you have your tiny humans as an icebreaker, and also an easy escape if things aren't going well.

So while the gesture of introducing me to the newest mum on your block is much appreciated, just remember that we mums are people first, and like most people we become friends with people, not statuses.

Until next time my friends!

- A

K- "Hey mum, how about her (points to iPhone screen)? She looks pretty cool..."
Me- "She does seem pretty cool, doesn't she?  ;) haha"