Lasts

Hello friends,

Have you ever thought about how many “last times” you may have experienced without even realizing it? Since becoming a mum, I think about random things like this fairly frequently. There are the big “lasts”, like your baby’s last nursing session, the last time your toddler wears a diaper, and your baby’s last awkward stumble before their first steps. But recently, I’ve been thinking about the little, seemingly insignificant “lasts”, like the last time you’re asked to cut the toast in 4s, or the last time needing to bring the sippy cup along on an outing, or the last time you have to prompt your little one to go to the washroom when they wake up in the morning. These “little” lasts often slip away undetected. While mummyhood has brought this life truth to the forefront for me, this phenomenon is a shared experience and is not unique to parenthood.

This morning I was thinking about my sisters, as I often find myself doing in the quiet moments of the morning, and I really missed them. I started thinking about how it feels, some days, like I know more about the lives of the cartoon characters I watch every morning than I do about my own sisters’. I was thinking about how many “lasts” I experienced with them without even realizing it.

I recognize that it would be unreasonable and overwhelming to realize and react to every single “last”. One could go so far as to say that it would be impossible even, since most lasts cannot be realized until long after they happen. Also, having 3 sisters so close in age, meant many of our “lasts” under the same roof took place during our most turbulent teenage years. If there’s one way to make sure you won’t remember a damn detail about any particular event, have those moments happen within the context of 4 hormonally charged teenage girls. That being said, there are a few “lasts” that, if I could time-travel, I would like to go back to and take in fully. Specifically, I would like to go back to the last time we all went to bed under the same roof, as housemates. We all fell asleep, knowing that the four of us would be waking up together, safe and sound. We knew what each other liked, and didn’t like. We knew what we would be up to the next day. We knew how we all felt about almost everything. Was I comfortable that night? Did I know it would be different from then on out? Did I wake up first to snag the shower? I can tell you one thing for sure, I didn’t fall asleep appreciating the relationship I shared with the three best sisters a second, middle child could ask for.

Reflecting on that particular moment this morning had me wondering though. How did my parents feel that night. Did they recognize the significance? Was that night within the realm of our first steps, a big “last”? Or was that night a night to be filed away under the same heading as the last time we all needed help buckling our seat belts, a “little” last? I can’t remember a single thing about that night, but I suppose my sadness about that is stemming from my mum perspective, as a sister I think I should cut myself a little bit of slack. I’m thinking about it now, right? After all, I suppose there are some pros to not remembering the details, one being that I can remember it as favourably as I want to. I must have fell asleep happy, thankful and full of love, definitely not angry, jealous and nervous that my eldest sister would find the shirt I stole from her, stained and threw crumpled in a ball under my bed…

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to share that as a mum, I’m seeing the world differently yet again. Lasts happen more frequently now since not only do I have my “lasts” but the lasts of my two tiny people to think about. However, I’m not going to focus on them, because life is happening so fast, and with every last there is a far more exciting first to celebrate. I should have plenty of time in the very distant future to misremember all these lasts in the most rosy light. I also need to call my sisters. Unless I’m planning a move to Adventure Bay, I don’t think my relationship with Ryder and the Paw Patrol is going anywhere.

Until next time my friends,

-A