I'm "Having" a Baby

Hi Friends,

I just want to start off by saying, I don't plan on a repeat c-section with baby #2.

That being said, to any random strangers, friends, and family alike who feel the need to inquire about baby birthing, how I, or any mum, decides to get a baby out of her belly is none, and I really mean none, of your business.

It really isn't.

The funny thing about pregnancy is that it opens you up to some of the most uncomfortable and unavoidable conversations you will ever have. I suppose it, in a way, helps to prepare you for other uncomfortable conversations you may need to have in the future with, and on behalf of, your little ones. For example, K pointing to the saleslady's exposed bra strap and repeatedly yelling "bra, bra, bra" or my 3 year old sister asking loudly at a funeral "why is that man sleeping in the box?"...

Crickets.

Awkward.

While these moments will happen from time to time, the main difference is that they stem from the innocence of a child. Not the ignorance of a grown assed adult.

It would be one thing if people inquired, and then were satisfied with the one-liner I provided at the opening of this post. However, that is rarely the case. All to often, I find myself belly deep in a discussion about vaginal tears, organs splayed all over the table, the ring of fire, faulty epiduals, and why on earth I would choose to have/not have a repeat c-section.

I know this type of uncomfortable discussion isn't reserved for those who have had a previous c-section, but I think there's a special kind of discomfort for those of us who are attempting a vaginal birth following a c-section (VBAC). While it can assumed that there will be vaginal involvement for anyone taking part in a vaginal birth, people attempting a VBAC have to openly discuss the fact that they will be trying to push a baby out of their lady parts and not only that, but electing to.

There are many reasons why a mum may/may not choose a VBAC (some of which are completely out of their control), but those reasons are not fair game for discussion and/or debate with anyone outside of that woman's circle of care. So please, unless someone is asking you for your anecdotal expertise on how best to birth a baby, don't offer it.

For me, I just want to try to complete what I started last time.

However, for those who will choose not to head my words, and/or think their expertise/desire to know is the exception to the rule. Here are some replies to a few of the questions/comments I have fielded recently, maybe they will satisfy this need (and you can avoid eliciting dicomfort, annoyance, guilt, anger, anxiety etc. in the already overwhelmed pregnany lady you will next encounter)...

So are you having a c-section or are you doing it normally?
First of all I'm "having" a baby. Secondly, Normally? You mean, vaginally. By using "normally" you are automatically imposing judgement, even if that wasn't your intention. Also, if you can't even say the word vagina/vaginally, maybe you should be rethinking this topic of discussion.

Don't you think pushing a baby out will be super exhausting and painful and scary?
Yes, I believe it will be. However, I am also aware that lying completly naked in front of 8 strangers on a 2 ft wide operating table while somone cuts you wide open and then proceeds to yank and pull a 8lb baby out of your abdomen is also exhausting, painful and scary. 

What if you tear? Like really badly? They'd have to stitch you up.
Well that would be quite unfortunate, and I'm not looking forward to that. Glances down and touches 10 inch incision scar from K's birth. 

Your lady bits will never look the same.  
I'm glad that you are concerned, but why is cosmetic appearance of my "lady bits" any of your concern. I can assure you D doesn't care and I don't have a mirror down there all day er'ry day, so I think I'd get over it. For what it's worth, I don't think I'd be able to give an accurate depiction of them in their current state anyway. 

If you planned for a c-section, you wouldn't have to worry about your water breaking somewhere embarrasing.
You mean like in Walmart? (Been there, done that.) 

So what are the bad things that could happen during a VBAC? I've heard that your uterus could rupture. (PSA: Please don't ask/inform any prenant women about the bad things that could happen during childbirth). 
This question/comment combo was met with a blank stare. Really buddy? Yes, pregnancy and childbirth is inherently dangerous for anyone. For drawing attention to the worst possible outcome you get a gold star, thanks? 

All this being said, the odds that I end up in c-section are still greater than my chances of completing a successful VBAC, and I'm okay with this. There are just so many factors out of my, or anyone else's, control. While I'm hoping for one process over another, all that I'm really concerned about is the outcome...

That baby #2 arrives safely in my arms.


Until next time my friends,

-A

My favourite bump picture so far.